Searching For Approval in All the Wrong Places

Ever had one of those nights where you just can’t sleep?

That was me recently. Tossing and turning, wrestling with this dream God gave me. And not one of those sweet, reassuring dreams either. This one was like God holding up a mirror to my heart, exposing something I thought I’d dealt with years ago.

Turns out, I hadn’t.

We're on a journey and God is with us.

There were still some pieces of that mess tucked away, and God wasn’t about to let me ignore it.

Ugh. I hate that feeling, don’t you?

Thinking you’ve passed a test—like, phew, that’s over!—only to realize there’s more work to do? It’s exhausting. But here’s the thing: God doesn’t stop working on us. He’s like the ultimate coach, always pushing us to grow, to level up.

The Bible says we go from grace to grace and strength to strength (Psalm 84:7). Translation? We’re never done learning, growing, and becoming who God created us to be.

So, back to my dream.

In it, I was back in college, trying so hard to be nice to this girl who was in a sorority I wanted to join. But no matter what I did, she wasn’t buying it. She brushed off my compliments, ignored my help—it was so frustrating. And then, like a mic drop, God’s voice interrupted my dream: “Your intentions aren’t pure. You’re being nice, but it’s all about what you can get out of it. And she knows it.”

Ouch.

I woke up feeling completely exposed.

Here’s the thing: in college, I’d tried three times to join this sorority. I did all the things—volunteering, attending events, making small talk. I thought if I could just get in, I’d be popular, have lots of friends, and gain status. But no matter what I did, I was rejected every time. Looking back now, I see it for what it was: idolatry. I’d put that sorority on a pedestal, thinking it could give me everything I wanted. Yikes.

Fast forward 20+ years, and I thought I’d moved on. But that dream reminded me there was

still some residue of those old patterns lingering in my heart. I realized I’d been looking for validation in all the wrong places—people, groups, achievements—when the only validation that truly matters comes from God.

And honestly? That’s a hard pill to swallow.

Nobody likes being called out, especially by God. But here’s the beauty of it: God doesn’t expose our mess to shame us. He does it to heal us.

The Bible says, "The Lord disciplines those He loves, as a father disciplines the son he delights in" (Proverbs 3:11-12).

God is not up there wagging His finger, saying, “Tsk, tsk.” He’s saying, “I love you too much to let you stay stuck in this.”

So, I got out of bed that morning and prayed.

“God, search my heart. Clean out anything in me that doesn’t honor You. Help me stop looking for approval from people or things. You’re the only one who truly satisfies.”

And guess what? I felt lighter. Still a little raw, but lighter.

Now, let me ask you: Has God ever held up a mirror to your heart like that? Maybe not through a dream, but maybe through a conversation, a Bible verse, or even something someone said that hit a nerve. Are there areas where you’re chasing validation from people, trying to prove yourself, or looking for approval in all the wrong places?

Here’s what I’ve learned (and am still learning): those things won’t fill you.

Not really. They’re empty wells. Only God can fill the deep places of your heart.

When God reveals something ugly in us, it’s not to leave us there feeling bad about ourselves. It’s an invitation to grow. To change. To let Him transform us. And that’s good news because He never gives up on us.

Our Challenge: Be honest with yourself. Is there something or someone you’ve been chasing for validation? What would it look like to release that and trust God to fill that space instead? Remember, you’re already loved, chosen, and accepted by Him. No group, achievement, or person can add to what God has already given you.

Prayer: God, thank You for loving me enough to call me higher. Even when it’s hard, I’m grateful for Your correction because I know it’s rooted in love. Search my heart and show me anything that doesn’t honor You. Help me stop chasing empty wells and find my fulfillment in You alone. I surrender my heart to You, trusting You to refine and mold me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Bonus Resource: If this resonates, check out my book Self-Esteem Through Scripture: Seeing Yourself Through the Eyes of God. It’s full of reminders about who you are in Christ. You can grab it on Amazon (and yes, I go back and reread it myself when I need a reminder!).

Hi, my name is Kacie Starr Long. I am an author, and speaker and I love to use my voice to point people to Jesus. When I'm not writing, I'm either hanging out with my husband or sewing. God delivered me from food addiction and I have a sewing ministry, called the Sew Hope Community Sewing Room. I am the proud wife of Alfred T. Long, Sr and together we lead a non-profit that serves prisoners and their families. Connect with me at www.InspiredOverflow.com and via my YouTube page for Christian teachings and encouragement.